Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
