i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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