they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
