I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
