My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Randomize
