I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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