Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
