hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
