They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
