Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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