also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
