ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
