I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Walk of Shame today included voting.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
