I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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