After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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