This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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