she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
