In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I need a burrito and a hug.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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