His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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