Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
