Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
