Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
