Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just had sex on a roof
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
