and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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