jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
