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I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
