My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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