how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
