i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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