I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
