he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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