think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
