Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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