Moan for me like Helen Keller
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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