I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
