some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
