thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
