How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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