We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
