I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
