Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
