he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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