I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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