i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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