Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
