That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
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