Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
