Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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