Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
