You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize